I'm Not Gaining Weight, I'm Kidnap-Proofing T-Shirt
I'm Not Gaining Weight, I'm Kidnap-Proofing T-Shirt
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- Australian Designed
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"I'm not gaining weight — I'm kidnap-proofing."
Finally, a fitness strategy that actually makes sense. Why sweat it out at the gym when you can simply become too difficult to carry? This sumo-inspired tee reframes your extra kilos as a legitimate personal safety feature — and honestly, it's the most logical approach to body image we've ever encountered. Wear it proudly. Your security depends on it.
If you're also Undiagnosed but Something Ain't Right, or find yourself giving Zero Fox Given about what anyone thinks, you're in very good company.
Who This Is For
Gym dodgers, dad bod enthusiasts, snack connoisseurs, and anyone who has ever referred to the couch as "active recovery." Also ideal for mates who approach personal safety with the seriousness it deserves.
Key Features
- Hilarious kidnap-proofing concept with sumo-inspired graphic design
- Premium cotton — soft, breathable, and comfortable all day
- Classic unisex fit — relaxed and flattering for everyone
- Durable print — won't fade after washing
- Extended sizing up to 5XL — because more of you to love
Specifications
- Sizes: S, M, L, XL, 2XL, 3XL, 4XL, 5XL
- Colours: Black, Charcoal, Navy, Royal Blue
- Material: Premium cotton
- Fit: Relaxed unisex
Perfect Gift For
Birthdays, Christmas, Kris Kringle, Father's Day, or anyone whose gym membership is doing nothing but collecting dust. Pairs beautifully with a meat pie and absolutely zero regrets.
Browse more Funny Novelty T-Shirts -we've got a tee for every questionable life choice.
Add to cart — your safety literally depends on it.
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Frequently Asked Questions
What sizes are available?
Our unisex tees are available in sizes S to 2XL. If you're between sizes or prefer a relaxed fit, size up. Check our size guide for exact measurements.
Where does this ship from?
We print in Brisbane and Melbourne for Australian orders, with printers in the UK, Europe, and USA for fast local delivery in those markets.
What is it made from?
A quality 100% cotton tee that's soft, breathable, and built to last. Some styles are a cotton/poly blend. Either way, the print won't crack or fade — wash after wash.