{"product_id":"im-not-gaining-weight-im-kidnap-proofing-t-shirt","title":"I'm Not Gaining Weight, I'm Kidnap-Proofing T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\"I'm not gaining weight — I'm kidnap-proofing.\"\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFinally, a fitness strategy that actually makes sense. Why sweat it out at the gym when you can simply become too difficult to carry? This sumo-inspired tee reframes your extra kilos as a legitimate personal safety feature — and honestly, it's the most logical approach to body image we've ever encountered. Wear it proudly. Your security depends on it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you're also \u003ca href=\"\/products\/undiagnosed-but-something-aint-right-t-shirt\" title=\"Undiagnosed but Something Ain't Right T-Shirt\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eUndiagnosed but Something Ain't Right\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/a\u003e, or find yourself giving \u003ca href=\"\/products\/zero-fox-given-t-shirt\" title=\"Zero Fox Given T-Shirt\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eZero Fox Given\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/a\u003e about what anyone thinks, you're in very good company.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eWho This Is For\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eGym dodgers, dad bod enthusiasts, snack connoisseurs, and anyone who has ever referred to the couch as \"active recovery.\" Also ideal for mates who approach personal safety with the seriousness it deserves.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eKey Features\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHilarious kidnap-proofing concept with sumo-inspired graphic design\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePremium cotton — soft, breathable, and comfortable all day\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic unisex fit — relaxed and flattering for everyone\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDurable print — won't fade after washing\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eExtended sizing up to 5XL — because more of you to love\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eSpecifications\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSizes: S, M, L, XL, 2XL, 3XL, 4XL, 5XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eColours: Black, Charcoal, Navy, Royal Blue\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMaterial: Premium cotton\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFit: Relaxed unisex\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003ePerfect Gift For\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBirthdays, Christmas, Kris Kringle, Father's Day, or anyone whose gym membership is doing nothing but collecting dust. Pairs beautifully with a meat pie and absolutely zero regrets.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBrowse more \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/funny\" title=\"Funny Australian T-Shirts\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFunny Novelty T-Shirts\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/a\u003e -we've got a tee for every questionable life choice.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eAdd to cart — your safety literally depends on it.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Destination Gifts","offers":[{"title":"Charcoal \/ S","offer_id":51596036342006,"sku":"14807966912652947155","price":32.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ S","offer_id":51596036374774,"sku":"10648648700688193817","price":32.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ S","offer_id":51596036407542,"sku":"96565884132929427677","price":32.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":51596036440310,"sku":"10353384914125649149","price":32.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Charcoal \/ M","offer_id":51596036473078,"sku":"50729621377248123997","price":32.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ M","offer_id":51596036505846,"sku":"26023536875538527189","price":32.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ M","offer_id":51596036538614,"sku":"30830872702313413214","price":32.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":51596036571382,"sku":"26313013196441396958","price":32.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Charcoal \/ L","offer_id":51596036604150,"sku":"15593476041673113356","price":32.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ L","offer_id":51596036636918,"sku":"33033380023858269163","price":32.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ L","offer_id":51596036669686,"sku":"74524524347113408012","price":32.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":51596036702454,"sku":"24613418772406291736","price":32.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Charcoal \/ XL","offer_id":51596036735222,"sku":"11769594850694491501","price":32.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ XL","offer_id":51596036767990,"sku":"24032757944638994923","price":32.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ XL","offer_id":51596036800758,"sku":"16163951021632158972","price":32.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":51596036833526,"sku":"96490561009407858891","price":32.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Charcoal \/ 2XL","offer_id":51596036866294,"sku":"19133294037853712979","price":32.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ 2XL","offer_id":51596036899062,"sku":"30716447285182721378","price":32.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ 2XL","offer_id":51596036931830,"sku":"19487018513758904183","price":32.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":51596036964598,"sku":"36930288562452193988","price":32.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Charcoal \/ 3XL","offer_id":51596036997366,"sku":"28005758339706263937","price":35.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ 3XL","offer_id":51596037030134,"sku":"13999776905532650088","price":35.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ 3XL","offer_id":51596037062902,"sku":"43996464895602521839","price":35.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":51596037095670,"sku":"19597932801302802349","price":35.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Charcoal \/ 4XL","offer_id":51596037128438,"sku":"92278004945268209416","price":35.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ 4XL","offer_id":51596037161206,"sku":"29048014984388162723","price":35.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ 4XL","offer_id":51596037193974,"sku":"17595920851019531098","price":35.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":51596037226742,"sku":"10951369340714938377","price":35.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Charcoal \/ 5XL","offer_id":51596037259510,"sku":"21808467132773952815","price":35.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ 5XL","offer_id":51596037292278,"sku":"40288045125994647799","price":35.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ 5XL","offer_id":51596037325046,"sku":"10881345670287114794","price":35.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":51596037357814,"sku":"30104194413194585145","price":35.0,"currency_code":"AUD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0727\/1625\/5478\/files\/Sumo_I_m_not_gaining_weight_I_m_kidnap-proofing_Black_t-shirt_man.jpg?v=1788859023","url":"https:\/\/destinationgifts.au\/products\/im-not-gaining-weight-im-kidnap-proofing-t-shirt","provider":"Destination Gifts","version":"1.0","type":"link"}